The Great Go-Kart Tournament
by Coleiosis
Summary: Bib Fortuna is eager to win the crazy go-kart demolition derby, sponsored by Twisted Metal. But Mace Windu has the same idea, as well as many other Star Wars characters. The go-karts battle each other until the last man standing wins! Who will win, and who will lose?


Presenting a NEW kind of comedy!

Star Wars

The Great Go-Kart Game

By Cole and Hudson Bezotte

 **Starring Mace Windu, Lando Calrissean, Lushros Dofine, Bib Fortuna, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Count Dooku, Qui-Gon Jinn, and Prune Haako (Rune Haako's twin brother)**

Most Star Wars stories always start with the phrase: "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…"

Only this time, this shall start with: "A short while ago, at an apartment building in the middle of town…"

Here in this apartment, living in one of the rooms on the top floor, we find the silly Bib Fortuna sitting on the couch and doing nothing but playing Twisted Metal: Black Online. He usually played this game on the weekends with his Neimoidian friend Lushros Dofine, as they duked it out along with Mace Windu and Lando Calrissean. Sometimes, Count Dooku would come and play with them, as well as Qui-Gon Jinn and his blind, young apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Obi-Wan was indeed blind, wearing sunglasses and holding a cane around. You are probably asking how Obi-Wan was able to do things in the first place if he was blind. He senses things with the force, but because his eyes were severely damaged, he caused tons of accidents. Only sometimes, did he actually win some battles in his video games. After all, he is one with the force; but he just does not use it at the right time.

Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan's master, was a strict man with an Irish accent. He always wanted to look his best by braiding his long hair like a girl and using his special hairbrush. Also, he promised to never shave and to keep growing his beard forever. He usually played those certain video games where he was required to move his body around. At other times, he played his bagpipes so loud and so out of tone, which greatly annoyed anyone who heard.

Count Dooku may look dark and threatening, but there is so much more to him than meets the eye. He was the owner of a soup shop, where he cooked his horrible Sith Soup which had a secret ingredient that he regretted putting in there. He once found Sid the Science Kid lying dead on the street, and so he melted him (since he was made out of clay) and put him into the soup (which is how it got its yellow color). Other than that, Dooku had a strange love for motorcycles, he rode them around the apartment building for no reason other than to shout: "JINKS! LOL!"

Mace Windu was a very angry Jedi. He harbored a deep hatred for Lando and became rivals with him. They both wanted to see who was to be the most popular man ever. But Mace would go nowhere if he was to constantly nickname people "suckers". A possible reason for his rage could be his IQ of zero.

Lando Calrissean was a very happy and famous man. He was that dude with the cape, the mustache, the afro, and that smile he always bore. No matter how hard Mace threatened him, he was not impressed by his constant insults. Lando was so happy, he always nicknamed his friends "brothers". Besides that, he was the magnet to ladies, who always saw him as a "James Bond" kind of person.

Lushros Dofine was a Neimoidian who worked at Nute Gunray's Chinese Restaurant. He was a very friendly person with a weird-sounding voice, and his hands bore ten very wrinkly fingers. He was the one responsible for lending his apartment over to Mace, Lando, Bib, Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, and Dooku, after their first day of school. Lushros was a very gentle person and very generous; only sometimes did he crack jokes here and there.

Bib Fortuna was a fat Twi'lek alien who would eat ANYTHING in the whole galaxy (everyone hopes he does not eat the entire galaxy itself). He was very fun-loving and friendly, and he loved to laugh a lot. But Mace was never fond of Bib's humor; he was always ticked off every time Bib would randomly eat from a platter of cookies (no one knows where the cookies came from; they seemed to have come from out of nowhere). Bib was such a huge gamer that he would sit on his butt all day and play Twisted Metal: Black Online for hours on end. But most days, he would go outside and enjoy life in the city, spending his money on many crazy things: food, clothes, movies, video games, music, tools… YOU NAME IT!

Anyway, back to where we were…

Bib and his friends were playing their game while listening to the radio nearby. As they played, they easily heard what was announced or played. Finally, after their last battle, there was a special announcement being said on the radio:

"Attention! This is David Jaffe, the creator of Twisted Metal itself, inviting you to join us at the great Go-Kart Derby Tournament! If you wish to be a competitor, you can create your own remote-controlled go-kart of destruction! Load it with all the weapons you like and blast your enemies to bits in this competition! The rules to this game can be found on our website at  .com! The game will be held at Big Blue Stadium in Los Angeles, California! Order tickets to the show on  .com!"

Bib became very excited about this contest once he heard everything about it. "This is my TRUE moment to shine!" he exclaimed excitedly in his super-scratchy voice. "I'll be a pro in no time! No other competitor will know what hit him once I unleash the full power of my go-kart vehicle!"

"Everyone will know that it's you, sucker!" Mace replied stubbornly. "Everyone knows the way you laugh, so they can hear you a mile away!"

"I must go online and look up the rules right away!" With that, Bib went over to his computer and went to the website to read the rules. And this is what it said:

Make the miniature go-kart yourself. Do not buy a product to use, otherwise you have wasted all your money.

Build the go-kart out of the proper metal that will last you throughout the whole game. The battle is timed to be approximately two hours, so you better defend yourself well. Perhaps some shredded glass insulation will help.

The remote to control the go-kart can be created in many ways. If you base it off the DualShock® PlayStation controller, the controls must be the same as in the Twisted Metal games. PLEASE DO NOT USE THE FORCE! THAT IS CHEATING!

Your go-kart must be equipped with a special weapon to inflict massive damage. You'll need to make as many special weapon refills as you can; feed your go-kart a special weapon after every five minutes.

The engine must be one that is usually used in a normal go-kart. It must be useful and must have a top speed.

Have fun!

Bib was more than excited to put together his go-kart and enter into the competition. Since he also spent his money on trips to other places, he could already afford many plane tickets for him and his friends to Los Angeles. He left the apartment in a hurry to go to a junkyard; he needed the correct material for his go-kart if he was to survive this tournament.

"So we're going to Los Angeles, eh?" Lando said to Mace. "I'd love to hang in Hollywood and get the most chicks on me. Heck, I'd LOVE to meet the League of Heroes!"

"We're there only for the contest," Lushros pointed out. "We're not hanging in any gala or anything."

"You are just way too sensitive, sucker!" Mace barked at him. "And if the fatso Bib thinks he can win in this contest, then I'll prove him wrong! I'll enter that contest myself with the best go-kart I've ever created! I'll show you old people!"

"You yourself are acting old."

Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Dooku also heard the news about this competition and had high hopes of entering and winning. Although Obi-Wan was blind, he was eager to put together his go-kart. All he needed was the force to sense what to put together.

It took Dooku the least time to build his miniature vehicle. All he did was create a replica Mr. Grimm , simply a motorcycle of many contraptions and weapons. His controller was basically his favorite motorcycle connected to a power box attached to his go-kart (connecting it through a cloud drive). Whatever the motorcycle did, his go-kart would do the same thing. "This is definitely how a REAL motorcycle will do it!" he thought as he laughed. "If any pipsqueak would base his go-kart off a bicycle, he's crazy!"

Obi-Wan kept on stumping himself for his vehicle. Whenever he thought that something needed to be added to it, he put it on there right away. The more he added to it, the more it got bigger and bigger. Pretty soon, he had built himself a dump truck that hurls hot rocks at his opponents. "Even though I am blind…" he thought, "…I can still sense what will be going on in the battle. I christen thee Manslaughter!"

Qui-Gon was not particularly crazy about adding technology to his go-kart. He created a replica of Junkyard Dog, only a truck that hurls a hot wrecking ball at its opponents. He designed the wrecking ball to actually be fiery-hot and spiky, able to thrash all the other competitors.

Mace was lazy in his work to make his go-kart. He basically strapped an action figure of himself to two big wheels and named it "Axel". "This may not have a special weapon attached," he thought. "But I can use the Force on this thing to blow out a big force blast to knock everyone off their wheels! I can afford to be patient and wait for five minutes to do it again. This will definitely win!"

Lando had no trouble at all with his vehicle. He basically put together a toy jeep and slapped a police sign on it, naming it "Outlaw". He added a miniature turret to the top, where an action figure of himself would fire a chain-gun along with flying blue missiles. "I can afford to add an auto-pilot sequence," Lando thought as he sat on the floor and tested his go-kart. "After all, this toy is as smart as I am."

Lushros had a different idea to his vehicle. Calling it "Brimstone," he strapped a bomb on each action figure of himself he had in a box. He would place the figure on the tip of the car, then launch it off when the time came. The figure would land on any enemy go-kart and explode when the bomb touches the enemy's engine. "What a waste of money on these action figures," Lushros thought, wiping sweat from his greasy head. "But it's totally worth it. In the meantime, I better go see the boss. I hope he likes this idea."

Lushros took his vehicle to Nute Gunray's Chinese Restaurant, where he worked as a clerk that served many ungrateful customers. The only way to meet Nute was to head to the secret corner of the kitchen, walk through the cold blizzard of the refrigerator, and dance all the way to the door that led to his throne room.

Lushros walked down a long hall decorated in Chinese style. He looked up and saw Nute sitting on a tall throne, drinking a paper Dixie© cup of water. "Ah!" Nute exclaimed, seeing that Lushros had come. "Lushros! It is very nice to see you on such a fine day! I see you want to show me something!"

"Indeed I do, boss," Lushros replied. "I have created a vehicle that will compete in the go-kart competition."

"Ah! Let me see it!"

Lushros explained the strategies and skills of his go-kart and what he planned to do in the tournament. He let Nute drive it around the hall for a while to experiment it. "This is fantastic!" Nute exclaimed. "What a great go-kart you have created! It is too bad that I cannot compete; only eight players are allowed to enter in this competition."

"I already know who the first seven players are," Lushros replied. "If you're not competing, then who is?"

"Rune Haako had created a very nifty vehicle that is sure to win. He calls it '12-Pak', because of its trusty special weapon: RETICULE MISSILES! A countdown begins, and once it reaches 'zero', ten powerful missiles swarm towards an enemy."

"That's incredible! I wish to see this to know that I have already made a worthy opponent."

"Unfortunately, Rune cannot compete! He is incredibly ill from eating one hundred cookies in one day. Lately, he has been constantly vomiting on our beds, the carpets, and the television set. But luckily, his twin brother Prune Haako is trusted to use 12-Pak and win the competition!"

Prune Haako was Rune Haako's long-lost twin brother. Unlike all Neimoidians, his skin was purple because of his constant love for beans and prunes, which he eats every single meal (breakfast, lunch, and dinner). Eating only those foods made him extremely gassy, and he constantly farted everywhere he went. But no matter how many times he farted, he was always a happy Neimoidian.

While everyone had finished their go-karts, Bib was the last one to finish his vehicle. It took him all day and all night long to search through the junkyard to find the correct things he needed. Finally, after many hours of hard work and determination, he created "Sweet Tooth", the incredible transforming ice cream truck. In the normal "vehicle mode" it was a mere weapon-firing ice cream truck; but in "robot mode", it was a living weapon of destruction (nicknamed the "Sweet Bot").

"I've done it!" Bib exclaimed triumphantly. "Victory shall be mine!"

Everyone sent videos of their go-karts to David Jaffe to show that they were competing in this big derby. David accepted them into the competition and sent them plane tickets to Los Angeles. Everyone was excited to go; even all the other Neimoidians went along to support the players.

They packed their bags and readied themselves to go to the airport. Bib packed his bags full of things that he did not really need, including the doorknob to his apartment room.

"Why do you need that, sucker?" Mace asked him as he unscrewed the doorknob.

"In case some thief tries to break in…" Bib replied, "…he won't be able to get the door off its hinges."

"Nutty, but nice…"

Everyone headed to the airport, where they were to turn in their tickets and board the plane that was just about to leave. They went over to the counter, where a Clone Trooper was to accept their tickets before leaving.

"We were given these tickets to Los Angeles," Bib spoke to him.

The Clone replied in a very weird tongue: "Mekka tekka license, mekka tekka ticket…"

"What did he say?" Bib asked the others.

"ENGLISH, SUCKER!" Mace exclaimed at the Clone.

"I think I know what he said," Lando said. "He said mekka tekka license, mekka tekka ticket…"

"THAT DOES NOT HELP!" Mace barked. "Maybe he wants something. I'll just hand him this…" Mace handed the guy a white piece of paper of importance.

"Hey, that's my ticket!" Lushros exclaimed.

The Clone took the ticket and put it in his mouth, shattering the glass of his helmet in the process.

"I guess he wants our tickets, brothers," Lando said.

The Clone gladly accepted the tickets and allowed everyone to board the plane. It took them a while to find out where they were to sit because of the messy seat chart. Hardly any of them sat near each other, and it would be a difficult time finding each other in the end.

Mace, on the other hand, was glad to be isolated from the others. That meant he could have peace and quiet to himself. He was assigned to sit at the first class section, so he was really excited.

But the plane's staff specifically set the rules for no cell phones to be used during the trip. "Mekka tekka cell phone, mekka tekka turn it off," they said. That meant that none of the gang was able to talk to each other from where they were.

So they had no choice but to shout towards each other and talk that way. The conversation had gone on for only five minutes until the shouting became louder and louder every second. Soon, Mace shouted the most, angrily and ever so furiously. Bib literally roared like a lion trying to get his friends' attention. No one was able to stand this loud noise.

Finally, the Clone Pilot that controlled the plane turned on the intercom and commanded everyone to be silent. "QUIET!" he shouted. Everyone sat dead silent, not doing anything but breathing.

"Mekka tekka quiet, mekka tekka shut up…" the pilot continued before taking his finger off the intercom button.

Prune Haako was assigned to sit next to Mace, not farting at all so that every plane passenger can be happy. "Do you have any idea how long this trip is gonna take?" Mace asked him.

"We live in Davenport, Iowa, don't we?" Prune replied.

"Of course we do."

"Since it's taking place in Los Angeles, we'll be flying for over three hours."

"Three hours? Here? Stuck with you?"

"That's right, baby!"

Mace became very upset, he dug his head in the back of the seat in front of him and groaned. As he did that, Prune took out a platter of cookies and nibbled on them (also spitting some of the crumbs out).

After all that time had passed, the gang finally made it to Los Angeles. They looked out their windows to see what a huge city it was. They were very excited for this go-kart tournament, and they were not going to let anything get in their way and ruin their fun. They left immediately after the plane landed; they were in a hurry to ready their go-karts for the big battle.

The gang acquired many rental cars to drive towards the Big Blue Stadium, where they met David Jaffe in person.

"Welcome to the Big Blue Stadium!" David said as he shook their hands in greeting. "I bet you're going to have a blast here in the Go-Kart Derby Tournament. There's going to be total action, food, and even live music! Adema will be performing up there on that miniature stage, playing action music."

"How did you know we were big fans of Adema, sucker?" Mace replied.

"I used one of Bobby Reeves' songs for my game Twisted Metal: Head-On. Say, you better load your go-karts with weapons; they're not just gonna use machine guns, you know. I really like how you based these off of some of my favorite Twisted Metal vehicles; they're very accurate. Now, I'm not particularly betting on anyone; I'm just wishing you all the best of luck."

Everyone put their go-karts each in different stalls to charge their engines before being sent off to battle. After that, David showed them that in each stall was a TV screen that showed what a miniature camera was recording. A tiny camera was hidden in the driver's seat of each go-kart; it would project what it saw to the TV screen inside each player's booth. That way, the player could control his vehicle without having to look out into the entire stadium itself. It was a huge baseball stadium, and millions of people were soon to arrive to see such awesome action. The way the players would control their vehicles would be like a real Twisted Metal battle, except with virtual reality.

"If your engines start to break down…" David continued to explain, "…immediately head for your chargers and reload your special weapons."

"I noticed that there are some voting booths over there," Lando replied. "Are people allowed to bet money on us?"

"That is true. But if you lose the game, the guy who bets will lose the money. If you win, you win the trophy and the prize money of fifty thousand dollars. If you want all that, you gotta practice hard. I'll be seeing you all tomorrow so we can load your go-karts with weapons and turbo. Until then, see you later!"

That night, after eating dinner, the gang settled at a hotel to stay for the night. They had to separate into two different groups to make more room in their bedrooms. Mace swore that he was going to sleep by himself, but there was no use arguing with everyone else. He was forced to sleep with Bib, Prune, Lushros, and a few others.

In their room, Mace hogged an entire bed to himself and barked like a dog at anyone who wanted to lie in that same bed. Bib and Lushros shared another bed to themselves due to their shapes and sizes; Bib was fat while Lushros was thin, so there was enough room. Everyone else slept in sleeping bags on the floor.

Suddenly, Mace heard the sound of cookies being chewed on. Prune Haako was eating chocolate chip cookies in his sleeping bag. Mace turned around in his bed and started chewing him out. "Haako!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing with those cookies in bed?"

"I'm just hungry, Mace," Prune replied. "So I thought I could eat a few cookies before I go to sleep."

"Prune! Don't eat those cookies while you're in your sleeping bag, huh sucker?"

"Why not?" Prune replied with his mouth full of crumbs.

"Because you get crumbs in your sleeping bag, that's why!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, sucker! And crumbs get in your pajamas too! And that way, you'll itch!"

"I don't like to itch, Mace."

"Of course not, sucker! And if you itch, you won't be able to sleep! So don't do it! GOOD-NIGHT!"

Understanding what Mace had said, Prune got out of his sleeping bag and went over to Mace's bed. Mace looked up and became more annoyed. "What are you doing?!" he exclaimed.

"I'm going to eat cookies in YOUR bed, Mace!" Prune replied. "Move over!"

Mace turned around and dug his face in his pillow, moaning. Prune sat down on Mace's bed and started nibbling on his next cookie (also spitting out most of the crumbs).

Everyone woke up early the next morning to ready their go-karts for the tournament. They quickly headed to the stadium to load their vehicles with weapons, turbo, and ammunition for their machine guns.

Mace was the most excited, he kissed his go-kart on the head. "You better win, baby!" he thought.

Everyone had prepared their vehicles, but the real game did not start until 8:00 pm that night. They had to perfect their controllers, eat lunch (and some snacks so they would not go hungry that night), and enjoy themselves as their go-karts' engines charged.

Finally, at 8:00, the game began.

Seated at the main balcony of the stadium were David Jaffe and Scott Campbell, talking throughout the show and telling of the tension that each contestant was in.

"Because we are the creators of Twisted Metal, I already have a tingling feeling that this is going to be one very exciting demolition derby!" David spoke up as the entire audience began to take its seat.

"That's right!" Scott replied. "All of these go-karts are based entirely off of the great Twisted Metal vehicles we have created. Everyone enjoys using these awesome vehicles and their special weapons when playing the games, but now we get to see it all happen right in front of our eyes. So let those hungry players go for it!"

"Let's present these hungry players! The first contestant to enter the ring is Junkyard Dog, controlled by Jedi master Qui-Gon Jinn. His special is the unique Wrecking Ball, capable of adding its own napalm once it smacks impact upon its target. The spikes add a lot more damage, which will probably be sure to win. But we can never know for sure…

"The next one to come is Brimstone, controlled by Lushros Dofine. For his special, he launches an action figure of himself off the tip of the car and hops onto an opponent. The bomb attached to the figure will explode upon impact with landing on the opponent's engine. What a way to affect his enemies!

"Here comes Outlaw, controlled by Lando Calrissean. He has placed an action figure of himself on a miniature turret on top of his car, in which it fires not only bullets, but blue missiles as well. And those missiles are programmed to home in on any nearby opponent. They inflict twice the damage as normal homing missiles do.

"Here we have Mr. Grimm, controlled by the Sith lord known as Count Dooku. His special is a scythe that is thrown by the action figure itself, seated upon the motorcycle. The scythe is incredibly explosive when it touches an enemy, but it only goes straight forward. It will take so much strategy in order for him to win this tournament.

"Next in line is Axel, controlled by the Jedi Council leader Mace Windu. He has not attached a special weapon to his go-kart; he uses the Force to blast out a Force Shockwave coming from the vehicle. He does accept waiting for five minutes before using his special again.

"It looks like we've got a big one in this game! Here is Manslaughter, controlled by the young Jedi padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi. Although he is blind, he can sense his way through this game and know what he is doing. His go-kart flings out flaming hot coals that engulf his enemies on fire. For his opponents, there seems to be no escape!

"As we were, we now see 12-Pak coming in, controlled by Prune Haako. His special is unique and requires strategy and skill. He activates a countdown to fire his trusty Reticule Missiles. Once the countdown reaches 'zero', BAM! He fires his missiles, which home strongly towards the nearest enemy.

"And finally, we have the best-known Twisted Metal vehicle of all time, Sweet Tooth! Tonight, he is controlled by Jabba the Hutt's advisor Bib Fortuna. Like in the award-winning, million-selling game Twisted Metal: Black, this model of Sweet Tooth transforms into a Sweet Bot and fires many golden missiles. They inflict lots of damage on the enemy, which is sure to win! But we don't know for sure…

"Now that all the contestants have been introduced, LET THE GAME BEGIN!"

All eight players, each in their own booth, controlled their go-karts to go drive out into the arena. The main horn sounded, and the battle began.

Junkyard Dog stopped and sat very still, trying to find a target that stood still in the open. Qui-Gon was ready to use his Wrecking Ball and smite whatever opponent was nearby. He fired his first attempt at Mr. Grimm, but he missed; Dooku's go-kart was too fast for him. Dooku succeeded in his attempt to throw his special scythe at Junkyard Dog and blew Qui-Gon's vehicle to bits.

"Well, that's the end of me," Qui-Gon thought as he left his booth. Now that he was defeated, he was free to leave. He began to play his bagpipes loudly as he left the stadium, annoying the audience until he was fully gone.

Dooku was surviving this game for a while, controlling Mr. Grimm to dodge whatever missile that came his way. But after being pelted by Manslaughter's hot rocks, Mr. Grimm was about to explode due to so much damage.

"I must bring Mr. Grimm here to me!" Dooku exclaimed to himself as he sat on his motorcycle, controlling his go-kart. "Time for me to use the 'drastic measures' switch!" Dooku turned the switch on the right-hand handle of his motorcycle, thinking that it was his "drastic measures" switch. But before he knew it, his motorcycle drove right out of his booth at full speed, dragging him along with it. He lost the game, having lost his go-kart in an explosion. "Well, this sucks!" he thought as he drove his motorcycle out of the stadium. "I never actually DID make a 'drastic measures' switch! Well, I hope I win next year!"

Two go-karts had been destroyed, and only six remained in the ring.

Outlaw was already halfway damaged; it may have had tough armor, but its speed was not good enough. Lando needed to do something fast and bring his go-kart to his booth so he could recharge its engine. But before he knew it, an enemy was upon him. Axel charged right at Outlaw with full speed and performed its Force Shockwave, blowing Outlaw into pieces. Lando was out of the game, but he still had hope for someone; once he lost the game, he secretly rooted for Bib to win.

So many of the contestants were out of the game, the action heavily confused Obi-Wan. He began to lose his concentration, he would not even press any of the buttons on his controller. Manslaughter ended up bumping into walls constantly without care; it gave 12-Pak the opportunity to use the Reticule Missiles and bring Manslaughter to its end. Prune commanded 12-Pak to launch the missiles and blow Manslaughter up for good.

"I say…" Obi-Wan thought as he heard an explosion. "What a night this is!" Qui-Gon came back and told him that his go-kart had exploded, then he grabbed him by the ear and dragged him out of the stadium as he continued to play his bagpipes.

Mace, Lushros, Bib, and Prune were the only contestants left in the game. Who shall win?

Lushros attempted to use his special on 12-Pak unseen. But Axel swooped right in and ran over Brimstone, keeping Lushros' go-kart off its balance. Axel smothered Brimstone down to the ground and blew it to smithereens mercilessly. "I KNEW I made this go-kart strong enough!" Mace thought in his booth. "I know for a FACT that I'll win!"

Prune wanted to use his Reticule Missiles on Axel blow it up just like he did to Manslaughter. But once he set up the countdown for his missiles, he accidentally waited too long, so the missiles did not fire at all after the "zero" digit. Mace had the opportunity to drive Axel right at 12-Pak and fire many Power Missiles at Prune's vehicle. He succeeded, but something was still missing. He still had to settle a score with Bib. Mace had been saving the next use of his Force Shockwave for when he would fight Bib; now was his chance.

"Come on out, Bib!" Mace shouted, searching all around the ring for Sweet Tooth. "I know you're hiding! Show yourself, sucker!"

Mace did not see Sweet Tooth in the ring at all until he was given a very nasty surprise. Sweet Tooth suddenly came out and began blasting Axel to pieces with his special missiles. Bib had activated the "Sweet Bot" mode and began firing away at his final opponent.

Axel was completely destroyed. Bib Fortuna had won the battle.

"We have our winner!" David Jaffe announced excitedly. "Sweet Tooth is the winner!"

Bib screamed triumphantly for his victory in the Go-Kart Derby Tournament. He was proud to receive the trophy and the prize money of fifty thousand dollars. He was very happy, he went with his friends out to dinner to celebrate.

They went to Little Caesar's pizza, which was Bib's favorite place for pizza. Everyone was proud of Bib for winning the competition just like he dreamed of. He was a real winner.

But Mace was very upset that he lost the game. He continued to sip his soda with a grumpy look on his face. But no matter how hard he lost at things, he was a man of perseverance; he would never give up at all. We can all be sure that he might compete in the Go-Kart Derby Tournament next year in hopes of winning at SOMETHING.

THE END!

 **What a great story me and my little brother wrote! I'd say that this is definitely a big winner for Star Wars comedy! If you would like to see the Star Wars: Action-Go Figure show, you can find that on YouTube. We make our Star Wars action figures do all these crazy things that will make your gut hurt with laughter!**

 **See you soon!**

Notes and References:

Everybody knows what Twisted Metal is. It is the first ever car-combat video game. It started great on the PlayStation, kicked butt on the PlayStation 2, and became bigger than ever on the PlayStation 3. There is only a tiny rumor that David Jaffe will be making a game for the PlayStation 4 that is all about Sweet Tooth.

David Jaffe is the creator of Twisted Metal.

Prune Haako is a funny character Hudson and I made ourselves. He is designed to be the twin brother of Rune Haako; to tell the difference between the two—even though they wear the same uniform—Rune is green-skinned while Prune is purple-skinned.

.com is not a real website. It was a joke used in an old Star Wars story Forrest (my older brother) and I wrote many years ago. Count Dooku needed an email address so badly, so Nute Gunray suggested that he use something like: dookugotobathroom 

The next suggestion was: dookugotobathroom 

.com is a real website. Just don't try to find a demolition derby at it.

The Big Blue Stadium is the first battleground from Twisted Metal: Head-On.

Did you notice how Lando mentioned the League of Heroes? That is the name of the hero team from my PlayStation All-Stars series, with Ratchet as the leader.

I always wanted to create my own remote control Twisted Metal vehicles. There are already two existing toys, but only of Sweet Tooth and Axel. After the release of the game for PS3, things went completely downhill, and the series was no longer popular.

The way the Clone Troopers talk in this story is based on how Thing 1 and Thing 2 talk when in disguise (as seen in The Cat in the Hat movie). Hilarious, isn't it?

I originally wanted Mace to force a lady off of his first-class seat. When the lady left, everyone shouted at Mace because he forced a heavily pregnant woman off the seat. Hudson saw it as cruel and offensive, so the scene was taken out.

There was supposed to be a scene when Lando makes Mace stare deep into a quarter and tells him to find the nearest telephone to call a hotel. Mace makes the call and talks with another Clone Trooper, saying that his credit card number is 123 456 7890. But the scene was removed because everyone had to head to the stadium to meet with David Jaffe first.

I imagined the hotel to be like a masterpiece at Lake Geneva, Wisconsin (I love that place!).

Mace shouting at Prune for eating cookies in bed is obvious to recognize. Do you know where it's from? If not, I'll tell you: Ernie was eating cookies in bed, and Bert became very annoyed.

All vehicles and special weapons for the go-karts are based entirely off of the vehicles and weapons from Twisted Metal: Black (a favorite!).

Little Caesar's is a GREAT pizza place! It literally has some of the best pizza ever!

There is a tiny rumor that there will be a new Star Wars fanfic with the same characters and the same humor. But will it actually happen? We may never know for sure…


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